A Big story erupted in USA after the police received a call for help from 16 years old woman, the abused woman claimed she was forced to marry an older man and conceive his child as one of his many wives. The Mormon ranch in Texas was raid by the state police and all the children were taken to state custody. Women appeared on news while fighting for the custody rights of their many children. They appeared sad and monotonous, stereotypes of women I often see back home, all in the same pattern of clothing and obedience. Men were in the police custody for violating the law by committing polygamy. Sara the woman who called the police was never found... This is awkward, because I'm a Muslim, In Islam polygamy is allowed up to 4 wives, a practice usually abused by many men. I have to admit that when married men approached me for marriage I can't help but feel really sick in my stomach. Their attitude although understood due to their own version of what's right and wrong, just outline the basic concept of men domination and women inferiority. A woman side in marriage is usually the weaker side. Her life is controlled by the man and by her children needs, she's expected to deny her needs for the good of the family, which is understood as consisted of the man and kids only while she is excluded, a few nice words would be enough to shut off her rebellion but not a real commitment. Sadly, this coincide with another story from Yemen in which an 8 year old child is forced to marry a 30 years old man, he didn't hesitate to claim his marital rights for a whole 2 months until she was divorced by court... Only if a woman self worth is not based on how lovable she is by a man she can free herself from this vicious cycle of control and domination... It can only be done by allowing women to find life outside the limited and painful arms of men and by laws that reclaim their rights of deciding their own fate away from the good intentions of their male relatives...Polygamy should be monitored by strict laws and not left as an open right for men discretion and abusiveness...
4 comments:
Away from the story of this sect, turn on your tv to MTV, BET or anyother TV channel and tell me, do you really like the way women being treated in western media?
It\'s always about stuff that shakes and bounces. always about what women they show.
Do you like how women are being treated by the porn industry? Less than animals and it\'s all legal!
but since all the above is the product of western culture then it\'s ok it\'s not even wrong! Do u see the double standard here?
I think it\'s a hypocrisy when some people go around the world telling others to repect women while they turn a blind eye to what\'s going on in their own backyard or don\'t even consider it wrong just because it\'s their own thing.
I agree with you polygamy is being abused by men in our culture! And that shows in an endless number of cases...
Yet, whether we like it or not it is allowed in our religion, just like you said... So the solution to such an issue is governance and awareness... Parents should not be permitted to throw their young daughters for marriage, and these young daughters should know that they have a choice supported by law.
Personally, I would not have any of my sisters marry a guy with a wife unless she wants to, and I doubt that!
anonymous,
calling for strict regulation of polygamy doesn't mean approving of sexual freedom, women don't like to be used as sex objects or being exposed for man's pleasures, but then they should be valued and respected in good marriages...the west is not a reference for women, humanity, sense of worth and self respect is...
Abdullah,
your sisters are lucky to have you, every woman need someone like you to protect them from abuse, but since your kind is somehow impossible to have for all women, strict laws must be implemented...
Hello Hala,
I just happened upon your blog through something I read from you on Global Voices Online. I just wanted to respond to what 'anonymous' said.
Anonymous, first off, stick to the point... Hala is begging the question of polygamy and we should compare apples to apples. Polygamy and women on MTV are hardly comparable.
Additionally, the fundamental difference between 'western' women and the women of Islam is choice. Do the women in the U.S. face punishment (up to and including death, ostracisms, physical/sexual and emotional abuse, etc.) if they CHOOSE not to wear a bikini for the Spring Break edition on MTV? Do they fear for their lives if they just don't want to get a breast augmentation? I think you will find that the answer is simply, 'no'. That does not mean, however, that I do not believe that western women are not oppressed; but I do believe that the nature of their oppression is more self imposed and escapable. *this argument does not include those who are trafficked or exploited otherwise (which is not a part of your argument anyway).
Hala's argument about Islamic women being controlled by men and their childrens needs probably sounds benign to you, but the backdrop of these women's stories is what is important. Hala brings that backdrop into the forefront when she says, "Only if a woman self worth is not based on how lovable she is by a man she can free herself from this vicious cycle of control and domination... It can only be done by allowing women to find life outside the limited and painful arms of men and by laws that reclaim their rights of deciding their own fate away from the good intentions of their male relatives."
So, the next time you want to go on to someone's blog 'anonymously' and talk about double standards, please get yourself together and create a compelling argument.
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